heides's blog

Bye MJ!

Michael_jackson1

“You are not alone,

I’m still here with you

Though you r far apart…

You r always in my heart…

You are not alone…”

 

Michael… Michael… Michael… if only you knew how much people loved you and your music, I am sure you wouldn’t have wanted to die the way you did pining for the very same love and care that was once so expressed by all your fans and was also evident when the entire world lost you so tragically.

 

The love hadn’t died but was buried deep inside somewhere in each one of our hearts, waiting to pour itself out at your next grand performance or single. Alas, we had to lose you to realize how much you and your music meant to each one of us, growing up listening and looking in awe at the only pop star we knew was the most talented and the best…. Michael Jackson… the King of Pop!!!

 

There isn’t a single of yours I have hated and there cannot be one ever now that you aren’t here. All that is left of you are fond memories of your path breaking scintillating music, that moonwalk and style that was only yours, those million watt smiles on or off stage and those electrifying performances.

 

By taking you away from us, God has taught the whole world how to be humble and also to express love we had within without inhibitions. In this time of grief, it has also brought the whole world closer just like your music that connects the millions of us together and makes each of our hearts sing again. :(

We have come to learn that even living legends are mortal.

 

Your funeral wasn’t just grief; it was also a celebration of the spirit that was MJ. There was enough testimony with millions attending the ceremony and millions more watching it in the theatres and on TV. It was a truly overwhelming sight that screamed “Michael, we love you!!!”

 

We will regret as much as you do, the fact that no new work of yours came out in recent times but there is enough music to cherish and celebrate the spirit, icon and joy called “MJ”

 

As I conclude, your message and the best song ever “Heal the world” rings through my ears and the same song will strike a chord forever in the hearts of humanity keeping memories of you alive.

At the same time, I am so surprised that I had so much to say about you.

 

Miss you… now that you are gone 4ever, gone too soon!!!

The elusive element

There comes a time when a Man has to decide what makes him happy.

Which is that element that gives him this eternal bliss?

There are in fact several moments when he has this decision to make but it remains elusive since he fails to identify it as one. He keeps pondering over it and doesnt grab it when it comes his way.

They come hidden in various forms and he just doesnt see it maybe.

The woman he loves, seems to like or feels he is fond of is one such major moment.

He has joyful moments with her, likes her qualities and what she stands for, feels that she would make a good companion for life n is fun and yet, there is this reluctance, that invisible wall that he doesnt want to break and reach out.

So, those moments just keep fading away and the bead of joyful element which could connect him to bliss is lost yet again...

... and he lives on in the hope that one day... he would discover eternal bliss... while what he wanted just keeps fading away from him... a case of being "So near, yet so far...."

 

The Magic called A.R.Rahman

Being an A.R.Rahman fan has never come easy and I guess it never will be easy ever.

I say this for several reasons than one. Its been an ecstatic journey of joy, excitement and hours of bliss so far listening to his carefully weaved beads and sonnets of musical joy.

In the former days when cds were premium, standing in front of the Music stores to open up just because we heard his new album would come in has been a memorable experience. What added to it was all that glee and joy of buying the first copy in the city (probably) and rushing home to play the tape at full blast... again... and again... and again... to understand what he's come up with was sheer pleasure.

Rahman from the start had the knack of using a variety of percussions and sounds to come up with unique catchy numbers at all times. His usage and blend of western styles in cunjunction with indian traditional sounds has always contributed to his success. His survival in the highly competitive Indian music Industry has been due to his ability to give each number a new feel according to the audience.

His habit of building up his tunes into melodies with soul gave Indian music a whole new feel and transformed it forever. Of course, his musical education and experience, meticulous planning and embracing of the best technology in sound recording along with a fine ear for detail worked in perfect tandem.

I also feel majorly that staying down to earth to this day and feeling God's presence at all times in his music as he says has led the man to the eye scorching dazzling success he sees today.

At the same time as rightly said by an ardent fan of his, just when you think that Rahman cannot scale any more higher with his musical compositions, he pulls off yet another one that takes you higher up the sky to another world of melody and sound. He sets the bar higher with every release that comes out and expectations rocket higher up again.

Looking at today, I can calmly say that he is his own competition bettering himself each time to become the best Music Composer India has today and maybe the world may have tomorrow just because he is so unique and lends so much more variety in terms of experimentation. The claim to be the Best among the best in the world isnt easy to measure given the rainbow that global cinema is but he is definitely up there among the best today.

He thoroughly has deserved all the attention and recognition he is getting for "Slum Dog Millionaire" though according to him, he underestimated his work on the same. The Golden Globe just proves that he is miles above the rest of the pack in India and also is among the best the world has today. The 3 Oscar nominations themselves are ample proof that he is indeed a global phenomenon to reckon with today. Hope he gets the Oscar as well.

Another shining example along with Sachin Tendulkar, the International cricketing star who have both proved that hard work, thinking high, sincerity, focus and humility are the only mantras to shimmering success.

Love

For the first time, I must say I haven't been able to do justice to this article that I have written down.

Maybe, it carries so many feelings that cannot be put down all at the same moment, maybe the feelings are so strange and complex that they dont spill out into words or I dont feel the pang of passion anymore to emote enough on the topic.

Anyhow this is my attempt to at least tit bit the various facets of this beautiful gift from God called Love.

All of those who have found and retained true love in life, this goes out to them and also those who are yet to get into any of it or feel the same... this is a sample of maybe what it feels like... and of course there is much much more... :-)

The word has a wider, universal and deeper meaning than what is portrayed in this article. I definitely feel I cannot do justice to the scope it belongs to and hence have tried to focus.

I have only dwelt into love between two individuals here, the kind of special bitter sweet feeling that arises out of nowhere just because one's heart feels like feeling it... :-)

Today as a social being, I realize that we all need it in the right doses to make life worth living.

Its sad that many of us deny it when it knocks at our door or lose it like a bumbling child when the going gets tough.

Lucky are those who get to experience true expressions of love in their personal lifetime.

Even luckier are those who get to keep love for their lifetimes and experience pure joy again and again in the selfless process of giving their everything to their beloved and enjoying an ocean of love in return.

The luckiest seem to be those couples who enjoy the ups and downs in their love and triumph against all their odds strengthening their love even further.

Reading all this from the heart felt words written by some love lorn fool, one feels that this is just hearsay, maybe an unseen, unrealized truth that some privileged cupid induced fortunate is entitled to.

However, even minor tingles of this wonderful emotion called love can leave indelible wounds of pain if not fullfilled or worse, cripple the individual who craves for that bitter sweet feeling they felt in some moments of real love.

Yes... Love hurts, love tortures, love kills and love burns... but if true love is found and realized, it feels as though life's purpose is fulfilled. Unconditional love is nearly impossible to find but if one comes across it, it is the temple one has to guard and hold close to their hearts. 

It seems to grow strong with every little expression of giving and understanding... it never seems to end when on a go and one seems to float on that invisible layer of heaven on earth :-)

Once TRUE LOVE is lost, foresaken or not realized, it remains to become one's tomb to mourn in one's heart and memory eternally for their lifetimes. 

Once given up, any new places that even for the first time seem so wonderful, beautiful and scenic seem to carry no value in one's heart. 

At the very same moment, any place where even the tiniest sweet moment where their love was demonstrated unleashes a plethora of bitter sweet memories and emotions straight from one's heart. The place seems etched across one's heart forever as a sweet something that cannot quantify or equate to any other pleasure in one's life.

The memories play back again and again painfully and the sting of regret sometimes can get nasty. 

"Love"   - The word seems so simple and yet it seems to span a meaning that is wider than our whole galaxy and deeper that the widest ocean man has discovered.

It just gets as complex as one can think it is and it just as well seems so simple when one just begins to realize it and enjoy it.

Today, individials seem to fall in love again and again after losing love once, twice, thrice... maybe several times in their life time. As these phases progress and you look at it from a bird's eye view, these transitions seem to be more practially governed from a need perspective than rather made from the heart wholeheartedly.

This kind of love though different is also fulfilling if a level of understanding comes along.

However, folks today seem to fall in love easily but their voyage of discovery seems long from over.

How many times does one find true love or say GIVE true love in their lifetime? Maybe once? I haven't been able to answer that one as yet.

The first attack of love as they say by Cupid seems to impress the most on any1 who's experienced it. This is definitely the sweetest and lasts a lifetime in one's heart.

No wonder how ahead one has gone in the heart game, some corner of their heart still beat's the same tune, doesn't it? :-)

Maybe the above is because as one matures in it, it doesn't get better like wine.

The sweetness, freshness and impulsiveness seems to go amiss, the heart doesn't flutter that much anymore... it seems to yawn when it experiences similar strumming within itself yet again though I have listened to folks who say they begin afresh everytime and it seems like the first time each time.

It is also said "Set your love free, if its yours, it will return. If it was not meant to be, it will never return".

I keep wondering whether it was meant to say don't get possessive in love or was it meant wholeheartedly to say true love stays?

Truly, its complex, it changes one totally and if realized, it can lead one to greater heights in everything one then set's their heart on to achieve, be it professionally or generally.

Every bit of expression of true love, the selfless act of giving unconditionally seems to move me to tears these days... be it in a movie or in real life... they come by themselves, trickle down and fade away leaving a calm feeling of joy in the heart... added with maybe a tinge of sadness of pain...

I would want to conclude on this topic but no words can do justice on the conluding part as well just as the contents up here. Just realize it at the right time, hold on to it with the right space and cherish it until possible... to actually make life more beautiful.

To be continued.... Maybe... ;-) 

The job Dance

The mood was astray at the Client site. Something had affected the work mood and dulled the soaring spirits within us.

As I attended the team meeting today called on in Emergency status by my Manager and looked around the faces of my colleagues, the expressions said it all. After an enjoyable stay of almost a year at a cozy city in Ohio, it was time that folks in this room, particularly 8 individuals, at least some of them, to be returned to where they came from as promised earlier, charming India. The news came in as a shock, not so much about the going but more about other reasons and clauses.

At present, the United states is under a huge economic crunch and depression with jobless numbers going up by the day. The world shares the recession since the US economy has its tentacles rooted to every corner of the world. Under the present conditions, survival in the Internationally based Service Industry has become a big deal. My Employer being a intl. service based industry provider doesnt differ in any manner and they are looking to cut corners, maintain profitability and business models with the clients. the mantra is cost cutting and maintaining profitability.

However, we have not only been asked to volunteer returning, we have also been asked to relocate to Mumbai. This is the same Mumbai where Terrorists rocked the city for nearly 60 hours on 11/26/2008 killing 200+ people and injuring nearly 400 not to mention giving heavy mental trauma and irreplaceable losses to many many more.

As I can make out, we weren't that alarmed about an earlier return than promised to our city of origin rather than being pushed to change our city of stay and bear the costs all by ourselves. Just because the Industry is running into a recession period, we haven't been offered a compensation for relocation, we have been asked to transfer ourselves.

Should I take this decision to move to Mumbai, I would have to risk my life staying there, I would have to rely heavily on public transport which is again a risk to life, I would have added stress and i would have to pay the EMI of my apartment in Pune + bear the cost of the rent in Mumbai + incur food and travel expenses there. Why isnt life really simple with a job?

Just when I thought I was getting used to the cozy life here, we have been asked to move out of our comfort zone which includes selling the nice car some of us bought, selling all the stuff that is useless, maybe throwing some of it away and realigning our routine again by moving bag and baggage internationally.

Should I not take this decision, I might be forced to take it. If I am forced to take it, all that I said above holds true by default.

In case I am allowed to stay, i would be able to stay for a month or 2 more where I make some more savings. However, when I am eventually asked to return, I may return to Pune without a project in hand which is very dangerous in the current circumstances.

This one is a total toughie, hope I can take the right steps which would benefit me in the long term to come.

It makes me think how my job is making me dance to its tune these days, so much depends on it and around it and shapes or deshapes ones life these days. Yes, jobs have become more demanding I guess, prolly this may just be the beginning though personally one feels he/she has seen a lot during their work life.

Mumbai Torn: Whatya do?

As I sat browsing the net on 26th Aft in the EST of the United States(its 26th Night in India) and refreshed the pages of the Times of India, news starts trickling in regarding terrorists firing around innocent people in Mumbai like they were the mean version of Rambo reincarnated in real life. I just cant believe my eyes and get glued to my laptop a little more than I usually should be.

Soon news agencies start reporting a lot of mayhem that was hitting seemingly prime locations of South Mumbai. Then before anyone can say "KAMAKAAZI", I read that the filthy cowardly dogs who shouldnt be admitted or allowed even into a brothel or a toilet entered the elite Taj, Oberoi Trident and Nariman House buildings.

In the entire mayhem that followed, we had to lose several great officers like Hemant karkare (head of Anti Terrorism Squad), Ashok kamte, Vijay Salaskar and Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan.

These guys didnt think twice before laying down their lives for their Country.
Hats off to the largest sacrifice of their lives... that being their own life.

At the very same point, the CM and Deputy CM of Maharashtra looked like a "Child in a topless bar". They took 5 bloody hours to call in the National Security Guard and in the meanwhile, the major damage that was to follow had already commenced.

Vilasrao Deshmukh looked like "Mickey Mouse" after being slapped by "Minnie Mouse" and R R Patil looked like "Goofy" issuing statements after goofing up.
The thought that just ran through my mind is.. "Are these toons who crack up under pressure actually running this state???"

60 hours later, 195 people dead, 300+ injured... by 10 terrorists in which 9 were killed, the Government of Maharashtra very shamelessly announced that they would request for a SPECIAL TASK FORCE like the NSG. Is that bloody all???

That typical line, lets have it right now:

"Jo bhi is ke liye zimmedar hai, hum kadi se kadi karvayii karenge..."
 
My take on this: Yet another reactive approach. Aj tak kya so rahe they?
Did it take 12 gun totting life taking lunatics to wake you up on the issue of state and National security?
What did you guys do after the last Mumbai terrorist attacks and when the entire country burned?

The bottomline of the entire episode is:

(1) We need to identify stake holders who can make a difference to the security of our cities, states and country from anti social elements.

(2) The stake holders can only be Government representatives in Power.

(3) The only thing we can do is to vote the right Government and question them from time to time.

(4) This is all to ensure our own safety and the safety of our future generations.

Educated men and women, It is time we chose the right Government, it is time the Government accounted to the people of this Country.

Let us not blame, let us deliver through the right people this time.
Let us be Proactive, not reactive and caught napping like this time.
Lets this be the last time we had to allow filthy dogs pass by, shedding the blood of our beloved Countrymen and Kith/Kin.

Empowering ourselves lies in our own hands dear folks. Lets unite and ACT as one.

At least let us do it for those officers who died just to ensure we live today. :-(

Jai Hind!!!

Breaking off...

How do 2 people feel when they are at the end of their relationship?

In normal circumstances, this is unthinkable. How absurd does this sound right? "End of a relationship"? Why the hell would that be but this happens all the time. If two people felt they were special with each other and had a relationship which then soured cuz things didnt work out, for reasons whatsoever, the solution to the entire fiasco seems to end it.

While this sounds to be a rather practical and sound solution, it really isnt that easy like making dosas on a non stick pan. What about all those threads they have so far between them in terms of pleasant memories?

The bonds that were made, the thick and thin that they went through, all that quality time that they spent with each other, all those smiles and laughter, all that advice and pleasantry. Is that all to be lost in a single moment?

It is rather more painful when one of them is into a relationship for the very first time. For them, its as though the world has been lost and it would remain so for some time. Well, while this is quite a painful experience, it can be rather traumatic too affecting the health of the individuals to a large extent, not to mention their mental state too.

A Break off which sounds technically correct in this case does END the relationship and its been seen and heard form word of mouth that this is the best possible thing to do in order to move ahead in life.

I may be writing this as though I am the guy to have discovered this stuff but its the way it is and it wouldn't change in any part of the world I guess.

However, I've heard that these very two people can still be good friends. Well, they could be good friends if they have the emotional maturity and intellect to understand that they have to move on and occupy their lives with other relevant priorities that they had neglected in their life and this person can be a good friend to keep in touch with all through their lives or at least for sometime.

The above does happen in rare cases where the reason for the breakoff was mutual and both sides are in agreement. We could debate on either sides for a long time... I still find the words "Break off" a bit violent for any heart to hear or bear.

Just let go... :)

There are those moments, when you have overcome all those hurdles in life, seen it all and want nothing of it to come in the way of the FUN... Its one of those moments when you wanna destress... especially if you are drunk when you are askin yourself, whether its worth the effort... but know what?

It doesnt even matter anymore, just do it for the heck of it... and enjoy the moment cuz isnt life what its all about? Living for the moment and not worrying about the future... or the distant future, well when you dont know what your future is gonna be, and its kinda blurred, doesnt it make more sense makng the best of the present moment and make the fullest of what life has to offer.

I dont think that there are certain limits in your life that would stop you from doing what you want to do once you have crossed a certain limit in your life. The SKY IS THE LIMIT. I dont say that you should really indulge in the impossible but nothing is stopping you from achieving the greatness that you have wanted from yourself all this while. Its just a matter of attitude and the confidence of when you wanna go for it... all hammers and tongs... to get what you wanted all this while... does that make sense? write to me...

Joy: The elusive entity?

People have fond memories of their Childhood… So do I…

A lot of excitement, that naughtiness and love, friends made for a lifetime…

Loving parents, great cousins, greater friends, cozy memories, that first crush… the wish list was endless…

It was my mind wanting those smaller things which gave me infinite joy and happiness. The joy was pure and the happiness lasted a long time. I looked forward to a movie on Television, a game with a friend, cousins and friends visiting, mom making a great dish. It was all going great for me.

Alas, then, a Tsunami wave swirled right around me and I grew up. The joyful things began fading away, life was always a mystery and the road seemed an endless journey. It had miraged goals which said “Hey you there! Once you get to me… you will have that joy that would change your life”. There I was, just trudging away with all my might to get there.

By the time I was there where the beckoning came from, there was yet another beckoning some way ahead, “Hey buster, you ain't seen anything yet! Just come and get me… “

The MS away from Home...

Ive often wondered what life has become these days?

I'm talking abt the typically educated, upper middle class employed SINGLE class which residing in larger cities in India is the so called METROSEXUAL race of today. The average Indian lives out of his suitcase at some point of time or another and typically IT and Bussiness Professionals are required to travel on Onsite assignments frequently.

Its all exciting in the beginning, a new world... new cultures, exotic locates, the exposure... Wow and there you are all settled into the assignment and slogging your weekdays off wid hardly any time to spare cuz you gotta match up with the rest.

Zooming on the weekends....

Slowly the Metrosexual explores his surroundings and does some "Been there, done that" stuff and makes himself illusionarily proud. Then, he obtains a camera, snaps a few snazzy pics and uploads thenm for his folks and friends to peek into. Also, at the same time, a lot of energy and resources are spent on International calling cards, the Mobile and the internet.

An internet connection is a boon for the away from Home MS. Here he discovers that he can chat wid his friends back home at times when the country he is in sleeps. He also takes the refuge of Online movies, Porn or other mediums to compensate the home sickness that is slowly seeping through him... thanks to his quest for the green stuff and the away from the country glory stamp. His laptop is his Alma Mater now and his cell phone his voice to the world.

Abt traces of social life, if he luckily has some colleagues doomed like him, they hang out together for sometime and try in vain to make things funny, humourous and life like.... slowly... nothing seems to work... the food that the MS cooks seems bad... the winter seems cold... and the weekends seem like Hell in Paradise...

.... and thats after abt 6 cycles of the above experience, thats when he decides... its time to head home... thats what life has become... instead of being a life that he wants to live... its a life that is being lived... and for what?